“Have you forgiven them yet?”
If you’re a survivor of abuse, you’ve probably been asked this question. Or at least felt its weight. Forgiveness is often presented as the final step in healing. But what most people get wrong about forgiveness after abuse is that they think it’s about the other person. It’s not.
Forgiveness goes through many phases at earliest onset when one decides that they are ready to heal because they can no longer stand how they show up in life for them self. Its really a transformational process when this person decides in this moment, an intention, I choose to see things another way.
In MIASM: Sexual Abuse: The Journey to Self-Enlightenment, Zodie Klempp shares her powerful story of surviving childhood sexual abuse and reclaiming her life through spiritual inquiry. Her approach to forgiveness is nuanced, honest, and deeply human. She doesn’t rush it. And she doesn’t tie it in a pretty bow.
One of the most harmful myths about forgiveness is that it must happen on a timeline. That you can’t move forward until you’ve “let it go.” But that phrase, let it go can feel like a punch in the gut to someone still holding the pieces of their shattered safety, trust, or identity. Because in reality, you don’t rush grief. You don’t rush healing. And you certainly don’t rush forgiveness.
Zodie’s journey shows that forgiveness unfolds when you’re ready, not when others say you should be. Sometimes, the first person you need to forgive is yourself, for surviving however you had to and for still carrying the pain.
Another common misconception is that forgiveness requires reconciliation. It doesn’t. In many cases, the most empowering thing you can do is choose distance. You can forgive someone in your heart and protect your peace by setting firm, even permanent, boundaries.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean forgetting. The idea that we must erase the past to move on is deeply flawed. The truth is, we integrate. We learn to carry the memory with less pain. We acknowledge what happened without letting it define us.
Before she could even think about forgiveness, Zodie writes about the complex emotions she had to process, including shame, guilt, anger, and sadness.
Similarly, you don’t need to excuse the harm done to you to reclaim your life. You don’t need to hear an apology to begin your healing. When it’s authentic, forgiveness doesn’t require anything from the person who hurt you. It comes from your own alignment, your own wholeness, your own desire to be free.
And if you’re not there yet? That’s okay. You don’t owe forgiveness to anyone. You owe yourself love, safety, and space to feel.
As Zodie says in her book: “I have gone from a life of not knowing love, abused love, and found love to a self/self-love that knows Divine love.”
Let that be the focus. Forgiveness doesn’t start with the person who harmed you. It starts with the person you are becoming.
You don’t have to forgive today. You only have to keep healing.
Order your copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1917553412.